I wanted to make this video because a lot of my conversations about wedding day prep with brides-to-be has to do with like colors and types of flowers or wedding gown silhouettes. All super romantic things and it’s funny, because past the wedding day, the actual day in day out of marriage has so little to do with that kind of romance.

You start to realize that all the stuff we’re spending time prepping for is so momentary.

So, what I wanted to do is dig into some of the marriage planning stuff that you can work on during your engagement to prepare for the real stuff that’s gonna last.

Just to recap :

1. Know yourself. I was recently talking to someone who’s been married for a long time. We were talking about what it takes to make a marriage work, and one of the observations they brought up was that you need to know yourself pretty well. It’s so true! If you don’t understand yourself and your own needs, it’s going to be really hard to communicate them to the other person. So my first suggestion would be to take time to know and work on yourself and your problems.

2. Pre-marital counseling. With that, definitely do pre-marital counseling. Fo sho. This is best from your pastor or someone who you have a relationship with. My husband and I reference stuff we learned in ours all the time. Premarital counseling should help you understand yourself better as well as your fiancé, and give you strategies for great partnership.

3. Have a network of support. Learn from married couples in your community. If you have married people around you that you really trust, let them into your relationship a little bit. 10, 20, 30 years in, they might be able to help you see around corners and offer solid advice. When things get tough, lean on them to encourage you.

4. Ask the really hard questions. I’m like ultra thorough so I used this list of 100 questions, but there are shorter versions out there. The purpose is to get you on the same page with children, future careers, expectations, etc., but also to expose some unspoken assumptions. You’ll notice that with time you might fluctuate on some issues, but you need to get a baseline first.

5. Get on the same page spiritually. This is another trajectory shaping moment. A unified faith will determine your values as a family, and create a deep bond of commonality and determine your purpose. A deep faith will inform every area of your life together.

6. Make peace with your families. Odds are, you might not even be friends with some of your bridesmaids a few years out, but your family is forever! Work on those relationships now and be the person who seeks to make peace and reconciliation when there is conflict.